A Free Bird That Refuses To Be Caged

Well.

It's been quite some time since I've last posted on this ol' blog. Things have certainly changed! On this Thursday night, it's cold and snowy here in southern Michigan, and I'm just now beginning to truly realize something...
I live in Michigan. I, Amelia N. Stieren, live in the state of Michigan. I've never really thought about it, but now that I am, I'm finding it to feel quite strange. Michigan is the most true and permanent home that I have. Outside of my 10x18 foot dorm room, "McIntyre 205", I am virtually homeless. I am 18 years old. This, indeed, is my life. Who would have guessed that I'd be inhabiting this ridiculously cold state for potentially the next 3.5 years? Then what? Then where do I go? Where do I possibly belong? What is home?

Geez. Too many times this past week I have become so concerned with my future endeavors. This may be due to the fact that it's finals week. Or not. Who knows? But hey, the only exam I have left is a 10 minute oral German test! Yay! Then... Christmas break. An entire month of not feeling like an incompetent moron. An entire month of not being in southern Michigan. An entire month to reflect. It's going to be wunderbar. Then, I will return to my place in this tiny town, and continue my education at Hillsdale College. I will take five academic courses (tentatively), choir, volunteer, and work as a student manager at the cafeteria. I will do many things that I cannot currently predict at this moment. I will fail miserably at something, or many things. I will cry. I will laugh. I will somehow hurt myself physically, and I will learn a plethora of wonderful things. I'll probably regret something, and I will probably cuss a bunch in a matter of a couple of minutes... because that's just what happens sometimes...

This is life. This is real life. The more I learn, the more I realize just how ignorant I am. The more I think, the more I realize there are always more things to think about. And you know what else? I'm really sick of smelling this weird smell coming from the wall next to my bed. It's making me sicker than I already am! And you know what else? It's not over yet. It's not even close!

Today, I did something that was A LOT of fun: I was going from the student union to my dorm around 6:30. I was strolling along the sidewalk along Galloway road, listening to Coldplay on my iPod (as usual), thinking about how great it was to be alive, full of dreams, and not tied down to anyone. It was really a great time. Anyways, there was a lot of snow on the ground, and there were these cool lampposts shining in the dark night. So I began to scoop up snow into my cutely mittened (Yeah, that's not a word) hands, and throwing the snow up into the air and dancing under it! It was splendid! And the most beautiful part was looking up to the lamppost, and seeing the snow glitter in the light. Snow, although it is cold and wet, is very beautiful. And even though I hate being cold, I thoroughly enjoyed my play time in the snow. There was something so blissful about it-- just me, my thoughts, and two mittens full of snow. At one point, I thought to myself, I am a free bird that refuses to be caged. That couldn't be more true. At 18 years old, what better thing is there to be? Well, I know that for me, there really isn't anything.

I guess it comes down to this: I don't really have any plans or detailed expectations. But I KNOW that I can't lose myself, or give myself up for a cage. For that sense of security. How could I possibly be in that cage, looking out into what I know is the world? Because when I fly, I see that there are so many more things to see. I hurt myself, but I also feel the freedom and the air to move around. I know that this freedom is the sweetest of them all. Yea, and I don't have any pretenses. Yea, I'll keep it that way.