Neujahr

It's a new year.

I'm once again in the airport, waiting for a flight. I'm thinking about a person that's plagued my mind for years now. I do indeed love this person, and he recently accomplished something great. I'm so happy for him, and feel a sense of pride for his sake. What tears me up is that there's a pretty big chance I'll never see him again.
I knew for a while that for a few years, our literal paths would not be in sync with each other. However, I had deeply hoped that we would still be able to be close in spite of being hundreds and thousands of miles away from each other. Tomorrow, it will be the four month marking of that hope being crushed. And the part that really, really, really, sucks is that I'm still crushed. I still haven't completely gotten over it.
It seems that I've done everything in my power to stop caring and forget about him, but here I am... I'm a disaster, and I can't figure out how to change myself so I don't care anymore. My heart won't stop aching for what simply can't be, and my tears are barely dried before they soak my face once more.
I just wish I were more apathetic, or that he had been a complete jerk and loser. But I'm NOT apathetic, and he's not a jerk or a loser. He's better than me. He's moved forward and does not dwell on the past. He doesn't feel sad, and I don't plague his mind like he plagues mine. He's an accomplished man, and I respect him more than most people I've met in my life. But he's moved on. I'm no longer an important character in his life, and it's been incredibly difficult to accept that.
So I must keep moving forward; I must keep looking ahead. I must find joy even though my heart still aches, and stupid tears still fall.